I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
