Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
