jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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