What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
