i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
