i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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