im having a threesome with these popsicles
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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