Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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