sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize