i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
