no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
