2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
