id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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