i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
sex in a hospital.. check
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
