the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
