If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
