4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
