my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
