The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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