Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
