nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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