At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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