dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
