does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
