neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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