best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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