Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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