I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize