She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
