Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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