But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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