Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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