Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize