Barsexuality is the new black.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
