She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
