I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
