i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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