I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
