I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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