tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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