Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
