I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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