Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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