What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
