Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
