I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
