you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
