Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
