I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
