so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
