i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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