evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
