Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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