yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
