when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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