Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize