When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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