Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How external is "for external use only"?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
