FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
