our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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