He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
