my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Still dying that you shit outside
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
