People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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