mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
be right there i have to get my cape
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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