i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize