It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
