K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
