I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
